Happy New Years

New Years resolutions are conceived for the sole purpose of causing ourselves pain and creating a guilty sense of failure. They are an excuse to try to change only once a year, a way to put off necessary changes until the end of December.

I have a list of goals myself, but have little to do with the turn of the year. I have already begun changing myself accordingly:

1) Work out four times a week, running at least two miles each week.

2) Maintain a weekly planner, as well as a calendar and daily schedule.

3) Finish all assignments and studying punctually and diligently.

4) Practice Kendo three times a week.

5) Keep track of finances to the cent.

6) Wake early, and keep a strict bed time.

7) Practice writing and music every day for at least twenty minutes.

8) Keep my living quarters clean and organized.

9) Be honest, open, and unashamed. Be brave; move forward boldly as a hero.


This last goal requires me to act in such a way that I have nothing of which I am ashamed. It is not simple honesty; it is a way of life that does not require deceit.


I know it is a long list, and will require a great deal of discipline on my behalf. One problem with New Years resolutions is that they are abrupt--you must change with the passing of midnight, or you begin the year failing yourself. With a list of goals that are not resolutions, I can build myself up to each, working diligently until I am that which I wish to be.

I feel good about the coming year.

So much for that...

I'm afraid my life isn't terribly interesting, or so it seems upon review. My interesting thoughts and insights may or may not exist, but have not yet made their way here. I suppose we shall see.

I'm currently packing to leave for Davis. If I were flying, this would be a ten minute task--a matter of collecting the clothes I brought down. Because one of my little brothers is studying the California missions, however, my parents will be driving my up to my lovely little town, meaning I can transfer more gear. Thusfar, the pile is dominated by a bulky old Ovation guitar, my Guitar Hero guitar, my Applause ukulele, the Marshall amp my ex gave me a few Christmases ago (which I am contemplating selling or trading, in order to take up the bass guitar), and clothes.

Maybe this time I'll actually stick with an instrument. We'll see. I've been bitching about not starting music in elementary school, but have not done much more than that. I took a beginning piano class at community college, and was somewhat helpful in improving my overall understanding of music. I also took a summer guitar course on the same campus, this proving a good deal more useful.


As I bring this small academic respite to a close, I can say that I am thoroughly pleased and satisfied with the way I spent it. It was good to see all my family and friends, and to be able to spend time with all of them. Meeting with Megan was almost bizarre, after three years with nothing but instant messages and maybe a total of three phone calls between us. Of course it figures that the night before she calls, my face breaks out for the first time in years. Nothing like looking ones best, right?

I also spent a good deal of time in the gym with my brother, and I think I can rightfully say that right now I am in the best shape I've ever been in. We'll see if I can keep it up.

Maybe this blogging thing isn't as hard as I thought. Maybe I'm just a rambling fool.

Due Dates, Deadlines, and Do Dates

There are fourteen hours left before my first final, which will concern photography and its theory in literature--women's literature, actually. Shortly after, I have a test in Medeival Literature, which will probably prove to be incredibly frustrating and generally off-base as far as literature examinations go.

I have 5 page essays to turn in for both of these classes. That gives me about six hours to produce quality work for both. I think I can do it.

On tuesday, I have a final on Emily Dickinson and her work, though the professor has told us what the exam will be--we are to choose a poem, and come it to class with a copy of that poem. We are to write an essay in class using that poem. I'm overlooking this class and its requirements for now, because the prior two are so much more heinous.

I can't pretend that its not my fault I'm in this place. Oh well. All I can do now is put every ounce of me into these next few days, and then strive to prevent these mistakes next quarter.

Perhaps it is time for some true bloggery?

If you care to take a look, The Looking Glass has a substantial number of posts, all of which are better than any of the writings I have done independently here. I like that particular project, because I am working closely with Ms. Horejsi in producing pairs of short stories from a common prompt. Naturally, the results are vastly different, and the contrast of our styles and approach makes for an interesting read--I think so, at least. The excercises have up to this point been quick-write style, with a time limit (from 30-45 minutes), with each of us striving to meet the goals ennumerated in the very first post of that blog.

If you're looking for my writing, look there, because I'm thinking of turning Apple Thoth into an actual blog. I would certainly like to do this, but know myself well enough to doubt the regularity of posting. We shall see.

The Process

She was walking in front of me on my way to class.  I could not help but admire her shape—tight waist transitioning smoothly to hips, gathering neatly in a beautifully distinct but not excessive.  An ass needs to curve outward in a near half-spherical shape.  Flatter is less fun but still pleasing, as long as the posterior extrusion is distinct and in proportion to the protrusion of the hips.  An overlarge ass will droop, and though can be pleasing on some body types, is not my personal ideal.

The fitting of jeans is remarkably important in this.  A girl may have a pleasing body, and ruin the aesthetics with clothing that create lumps or rolls.  Smoothness, flowing lines—soft but not gushy, firm but not hard… Muscle tone but no sharp cuts.

The waist should transition smoothly to torso and shoulders.  Shoulder to hip ratio is important, but I could not tell off the top of my head what…

I like slender thighs, myself.  Well proportioned legs.  Delicate ankles.

This is the first stage, and can generally be completed without ever seeing the front of a girl.  If her body is shapely from behind, the breasts are almost always well proportioned and pleasing.   Some softness of the belly is allowable, but I love that lateral line that forms on a slim abdomen.

That first stage is an initial shape filter.  Specific qualities are not appreciated as much as the proportions of the body as a whole.  This is fairly universal, though preferences in proportion will obviously vary.

This particular girl passed the first screen so superbly that I found myself walking faster, to pass her.  A part of me regrets already that she is so beautiful, and hopes that she passes the second screen… Because I will not have a chance to talk to her.

The next check is the face.  A quick sidelong glance reveals a delicate profile, a nose that is cute because it is so very moderate, shapely brow and well placed hairline.  I like to be able to see the jawline, though it must be narrow and feminine.  Cheekbones are subtle.  Skin is even colored and smooth.

I dislike neck fat.   A girl should be able to look down and not have the shape of the chin obscured by roundness, should be able to laugh without forming folds.

Apparently the most attractive women are the ones with proportions closest to the mean.  Not unkind—average.  Duh.  I think I agree with this.  Extreme features are generally masculine—except big eyes.  Babies have big eyes, and everyone likes those.

So after making sure there are no extreme features of the face, other smaller factors are measured.  Her gait and carriage, subtleties of demeanor, minor mannerisms, placement of eyes, natural facial expression, placement of hands.  Generally I think I’m checking for personality type—meek and self conscious, confident and showy.  I like a girl who feels comfortable, natural.

A double check of the face reveals eye color, lips, teeth, and… facial hair.

This particular girl had very light brown eyes, lighter than her hair, which was striking.  Her eyebrows complimented the shape of her face.  Her lips were full, though her mouth was smallish.

She was probably a 9, based only on appearance.

And then she opened a door to a math classroom and disappeared.  I will probably never talk to her.